March 19th 2022.
Nano was my companion of 7 years. A beautiful mix of Husky and Wolf, stayed by my side through thick and thin since the day I rescued him. His previous owner had been forced into a situation that would see him either give up Nano or take a demotion at work as his job demanded more and more of his time, the time he would spend with Nano. He asked me to take Nano, it was a no brainer for me I needed company and Nano needed a forever home. So together we slogged on together from that day until March the 19th 2022.
Two weeks prior to March 19th, Nano pulled a muscle in his hock on his back right leg. It was tender and swollen for about 10 days but then it got better. Then on March 16th he jumped up into my friends car but landed wrong and half fell out. This damaged the muscle in his hock badly and caused an edema in his leg. Not knowing what it was I figured the swelling would go down as it had the last time except it didn't, it got progressively worse so bad so that it quadrupled the size of his paw from normal size. He hobble around in terrible pain most of the time. I tried heat and cold and pressure and a few shots of Metacam I had left from a previous injury of his, nothing worked so I called the vet.
We saw the vet the afternoon of March 18th. He shook his head in disbelief looked up at me and said "there is no quality of life I can offer your puppy" my life ceased to comprehend anything other than his next few words, "I'm sorry but this is the end for Nano there is nothing I can do to help him without (this is my glimmer of hope) spending thousands of dollars to find out the issue and possibly more thousands to fix it". It is as I had feared earlier in the day this was the time that I would have to make the decision to ask Nano to forgive me for never been successful enough in any of the jobs I have had in the past too be able to squirrel away a rainy day 10K.
I told the vet I needed the night with him and asked if we could have the last appointment the next day for me to send Nano over the Rainbow Bridge. He was very accommodating even though March 19th was his cultures New Years Eve. We were set to be there the next day at 1:30 with Nano for the last time.
My friend Karen had driven me and Nano to the vet that day. We went out to the car and I tried so hard to be brave for Nano but I could not and the tears ran freely from beneath my eyes, he started to whimper softly he knew I was upset but through my tears I assured him daddy was okay, I wasn't I dying inside I was in effect for better or for worse I was putting my furbaby to death.
I let all the neighbor dog friends know that Nano would go to Heaven the next day and if they would like to visit him Saturday morning before noon i would be happy to host them in our back yard to say their good byes. His best buddy Brewser was walking with him Pawrents when we were returning from the vet. I told them that Nano would be going to heaven the next day and Brewsers mom just teared up and hugged me tight. Nano had no idea what was going on but he was licking his buddies nose so it didn't really matter. Brewser was Nano's best buddy so i glad they go to say good bye. I know for them it was good bye for now, not good bye forever.
Friday night i cooked Nano a rare Tenderloin steak i was saving for his birthday on April 4th. I got it half price at Loblaws on last day of sale, it was still $18.00 but it was a good chunk and Nano liked it rare and yes he got fried onions cause he loved fried onions. We went to bed that night and I slept on the floor with him, he whimpered all night but he did not walk around like usual no this night he stayed beside me and breathed into my ear with every 3rd breath being a wincing whimper.
Very early in the morning i woke to wetness on his bed. I know he would not have peed on his blanket as with all animals you don't pee where you sleep. I looked at the staining on his blanket, it was pink. I put my hand gently between his belly and his leg and when I drew my hand out it was covered in blood and watery slime. The edema had burst through the skin.
I took a bunch of old clean t-shirts and cleaned up this mess as best I could. I wrapped a new black hand towel around his leg and secured it with painters tape. As much as I loved him I still did not want blood all over the hardwood floors, or for his friends that would soon be arriving to see how bloodied up he was.
He had a scrambled egg with 5 or 6 pieces of bacon and a couple of Kraft cheese slices for breakfast. Pretty much as soon as we were finished breakfast I carried him down the back stairs and out into the back yard. March this year had been particularly cold and rainy but this morning was not horribly cold and it had yet to rain but the weatherman promised it would.
In the previous few days Nano had taken to lying in a certain spot in the back yard that was directly below a 60 year old apple tree. There was a good creche of dead leaves there but there were also some tiny sticks. I put the blanket down for Nano so he could lie in his perfect spot. Before he got to it a tiny branch hit or stuck his bad leg and it punctured his skin easily and Nano was now bleeding on the front of his leg as well as the back. My poor friend, his skin was so taught even with the pressure release the previous evening that even a tiny stick punctured his otherwise tough as nails persona.
By 10 am we had a visitor her name is Kallie. Kallie is an 11 year old Rottweiler mix. I found out on this morning that Nano was Kallie's first friend in Toronto and oh they were friends. They used to run around the back yard so fast, around my little garden or the pool that once sat there, they would run and run and then Kallie would come to my feet and sit and get snuggles and cuddles and Nano would get so jealous. Nano loved her, really loved her.
Kallie's mom her name is Jen. Jen is a great friend to both of us, Nano and I. Jen was so affected by the events that would unfurl with in a few short hours that she was beside herself with grief which made the grief that i was feeling just so much more intense. Jen and I cried together and Kallie went for snuggles with Nano, Nano tried to get up to run I encouraged him to lie down, he conceded and laid back down and Jen and I had a good cry, telling stories about the shenanigans these two got into. It was good to be able to grieve with someone who loved him so much.
They stuck around for an entire hour. I made her a coffee fed both Nano and Kallie many treats. Before they left Kallie gave Nano a little lick, she was sad he didn't play with her and so was Nano that he could not play. They left and we were alone again in my tears.
I left him outside while I made another coffee had a good cry made him some snacks from the left over bacon and big bowl of water. I peaked out at Nano to find a former neighbor and friend, James, outside on his knees beside Nano. James is a Landscaper and there he was on his knees in the mud tears in his eyes petting the dog he used to howl with.
On or walks pretty much every morning from April to October we would see James crawling into his truck. James and Yasmin his ex (who could not come because she had Covid-19) were the Paw-rents of April, Nano's gf. James was a very special friend to Nano. He never gave him treats but he gave him love everyday. He would stop what he was doing and give Nano a really good cuddle and try to get Nano to howl.
When I returned I half expected him to be laying somewhere else in the yard which was his usual but not today. He was lying peacefully in the place I left him, surveying his yard, taking one last look at the place he spent so many hours in. I could see his tears, he knew how he felt and he had seen my tears. I sat quietly beside him drinking my coffee trying to keep it together, because James was sitting at his feet and having a moment with Nano. We sat and looked at the yard and from time to time he would lick my hand and look at me as if to say "it's okay dad I"m ready". Thanks Nano but I'm not is all I could think.
James and I discussed what had transpired to come to this situation what options there were were and just small talk. He never once raised his head to look at me. He concentrated on Nano and pet him and talked to him quietly in Nano's ear. We sat in silence for about 45 minutes and then round the corner plodding down the driveway came Georgia. James stepped back but hung around as the neighbors started to arrive to say their good byes.
Georgia at this time was a 8 month old Bassett Hound she is rambunctious and as flitty as a puppy is at 6 months. Oh she just loved Nano and Nano he just tolerated her. See our dog walking group was Nano the Husky/Wolf, Georgia the pure bred Basset Hound, George Michael the Shi-poo and Archer the Jack Russell. As you tell Nano and Georgia were more close in size than the other two and I think that was Georgia's attraction to Nano. In her mind this was her big brother.
Since Nano was lying down Georgia dragged her mom Suzanne to the backyard. The gate was open and Georgia in her puppy fashion barreled into the back yard. She bee lined for Nano and stopped dead at the gate. Suzanne unlatched her leash and still she sat there. She got up sheepishly and walked over and nudged Nano with her huge snout. Nano gave her a side look and laid his head back on the blanket.
Georgia came over and sat with me and snuggled into my legs and went from a sitting position to laying on my foot in an un disturbed gaze at Nano. While Suzanne and I were talking, Georgia would periodically turn and look at me and I swear one time she winked at me. When it was time for them to leave Georgia who was now on the leash again went over gave Nano one last sniff and looked back at me with the saddest eyes. She walked down the driveway slowly and this was not a Georgia thing to do and she looked back with such sorrow in her eyes. It was in this moment I believed that dogs can talk to each other.
Soon after Georgia left then came George Michael and his mommy Martha. George Michael bounds around like a little puppy and he really is a tiny dog but over a year old at this point. He trotted over to Nano gave him a little snuggle then came to me to say hi, as for him this was like a party because he had just seen Georgia at the end of driveway. I'm glad George thought it was a party the whole atmosphere was getting thick for me and I think Nano was feeling the gloom. This little turkey was going to liven the mood.
Martha and spoke for a few minute about what I don't recall. The air was heavy my chest was heavy it was after 12 noon and our appointment was at 1pm to send Nano over the Rainbow Bridge. Soon after George Michael arrived so did Archer.
Archer is more my friend than Nano's but Nano tolerated him as well but all these dogs were Nano's tribe. They were his charges when we were on a walk together. He was always out in front making sure not one dog or person got a good sniff of his tribe before he make the once over first. Since the little dogs were far less cautious than Nano they would take a closer look after Nano gave to okay to approach. But this made him insanely jealous and the screams and howls Nano would belt out were often deafening. As if to say to the little dogs " I said that dog was okay, I didn't say, sniff his arse" Nano was so vocal at times
Archer did his once around the back yard, he gave Nano a few sniffs but Nano was more concerned with all the people at this point that were petting him. Martha was there and so was Karen, Archer's mommy and Georgia and Suzanne had come back to say one last good bye.
While they all did their good byes I snuck in to get treats for the puppers. One my way in the back door my downstairs neighbor Danielle, whom i affectionately call Earl came up the stairs and asked "is it time".
I answered "that all the dogs were in the backyard I needed to get some treats for them and yes we will need to leave soon but I'm not ready" and the tears flowed. Danielle hugged me and stepped outside to entertain while I composed myself changed my clothes and readied myself for the impossible hour."
I changed and headed back out to the yard. I had in hand the treats (chunks of bacon from Nano's breakfast) i was hoping all the dog owners would say their dogs cannot have people food but none of them did and they all dined on bacon. I had also taken the receipt for the procedures today. I knew I would not handle being tasked with paying for the death of my friend on the same day it happened so I paid on Friday when we got the diagnosis.
Karen, Archers mom was taking us to the appointment. I asked her "if it was time" and she said "we should start getting Nano ready"
With those words everyone around gave me a hug and went on their way. I grabbed Nano's leash and he stood right up. The swelling in his foot had really gone down. But when I took off the towel paper taped to his leg I knew why. A huge amount of the Edema has seeped out into the towel and he was still bleeding out. The flow had slowed because of the towel but not stopped.
We left his blanket where it was and Nano limped along beside me to Karen's mini SUV. The very car he had cause the damage to his leg when he short jumped in, a week earlier. But this time he jumped right up in to the back seat. I got in and sat beside him one last time. He was excited he though we were going for walks. I cried all the way to the vets. We are not going for walks Nano, but soon you will run again with April in green fields and flowers.
When we got to the Vets they were not ready for us (Danielle, Nano and me). Nano knew this parking lot and he immediately was on edge. I snuggled him and told him it was okay. We cuddled and soon they came to the parking lot to get us. We are still in the age of Covid at this time and you waited in your car until you were called for your appointment.
Karen waited for us and Nano with some trepidation made his way up the back stairs and into the examination room. For the first time coming to this vet, he recognized and acknowledge Nano, was prepared for our arrival and actually knew why we were there.
Nano collapsed at my feet and just laid there panting heavily. He looked up at me for reassurance several times and I assured him with pats and cuddles that this one would not hurt like all the other shots and procedures. I think he had finally resolved himself the the inevitable and if daddy said it was okay then it would be.
The vet returned from the other room with both shots and a catheter needle and electric razor. He asked if i was ready and i said yes. He bent down and put a needle full of fluid directly into the muscle beside Nano's spine. Nano did not wince even a little. He said "he is a big dog it will take some time just stay with him and when he is groggy we will lift him up on the table.
It did not take long at all which was strange for Nano, he usually resisted and resisted. He just laid down and with the help of Roger the assistant and Dr. T the vet, we lifted Nano to the exam table. Dr, T shaved a small spot on his front leg. Nano was none to pleased but he was pretty dopey so it got done without Nano interfering. The vet put a synch around Nano's leg to pop out a vein. For the first time that this procedure was ever done on Nano it popped right up. The vet inserted the catheter needle and looked at me "you tell me when it is time".
I looked down at my child, my companion, my protector, my tormentor, my gift of a substantial amount of time and nodded to the doctor. He inserted a syringe with a blue liquid into the catheter and emptied it into my boy.
The vet said "it will only take a few minutes, take all the time you need, dry out loud, this is painful," he put his arm around my shoulder gave me a side hug and left Danielle and I to usher Nano over the rainbow bridge. I held his paw I held him, gave him all of everything i had left and I felt his heart stop and I felt him leave. I put my lips in front of his to feel his breath, there was none. I listened for his heart there was no breath there was no rising and falling of his chest. My Nano was gone.
I kept it together in the vets office pretty good but the next few hours are a blur. I loved you Nano like my own child. See the universe made it ardently clear to me that it would not allow me to have my own children and it took that ability away from me. Nano was my favorite son of all the dog kids I have had in my life Nano is the favorite one of all.
Thank your our time together buddy I'll miss ya.
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