Reflections of my last year so far.

Since most of my friends either have money and great jobs which begats more fulfilling lives or have no money like me and are struggling with either ailments or some other mental event I was left kind of out of the loop this year and very alone. It has been that way for about a year after loosing a battle with trying to better myself with a failed attempt at business, the death of my mother and the death of my vehicle I was left homeless, ,motherless and friendless, with out wheels living about 40 kms from my job.
The last year to say the very least has been hell. A friend came to my rescue and asked me to move in with her rather than living in a low tel motel with about a 3 km walk to work. I moved in with her and her dog Vegas last January and have been in west Toronto every since. She has been a god send but a puriah in all in the same breath. She has introduced me to many wealthy educated people that for me are no challenge to hang with or converse with but I am unable to really enjoy the company as it comes at a price. All of them are successful business people, wealthy or well off people, I am not. I am not jealous in the least it just limits where our fun as a group ends most times for me. My friend who i live with is in the same boat and at times I feel like her nigger running around doing chores so she does not have to. But I have a bed and roof over my head which is much less than I had a few months ago.
Recently a man I fell madly in love with refuted my advances with the "lets just be friends" speech. Ya know the speech that you get when you are the fat kid in high school and the pretty girls need an excuse to be nice but need your advances to be directed elsewhere. Anyway he gave me the speech on a warm summer night and then promptly curled up into my chest and asks "is this okay"?
What the hell am I to say? I am in love with this guy and just got rejected in the most hurtful way but i have him in my arms and "hell yes its okay". Until I get home and burst into tears.

With all of the above coming into play, last weekend is Pride weekend. The rich ones are frolicking at spas and high end hotel pools that cost $45.00 for the rich and lazy, he not so well ones well they are not so well and the ex on his way to Ottawa for his yearly trip with friends I am once again left alone to enjoy the weather. So rather than skulking in the bushes in the local park looking for some cock to suck I decided to volunteer to work for Pride Toronto this past weekend. It was by far the best time i have had in a very long time.
All I was doing was passing out fliers promoting World Pride Toronto in 2014. Yes folks the world comes to Toronto in 2014 to celebrate World Pride. Three million of your closest friends and extended gay family members will descend on our fair city from June 20-29 2014. This was my speech for about 16 hours over the course of the weekend to thousands who would take a flier.
I worked with some very interesting people over the weekend and really got to enjoy the experience of Pride. I also committed in my mind to have an active roll in Pride 2014 and if I can just get one of them to return an email I will get that task started.
Up to this point I had really nothing to live for, I provide no support to anyone in anyway. I am shunned by my family which fell apart after my dad hid his new girl friend from us after meeting her within 10 days of my mothers burial. Consequentially he marries her on July 27 and I will be the only child in attendance I think. It is a huge mess and a completely other blog. Back to my pity party, oh yeah nothing to live for, very few close friends, lots of fuck buddies but they are so empty  or at least they help me to get empty and there is no substance in that relationship. Just fucking thats it just fucking. When I did Pride at least I had something that was mine that I was not having to ask permission to do or seek acceptance from anyone. The people I worked with welcomed the help as they were in a complete cluster fuck when I arrive and my 25 years of trade show experience kicked in and well I ran with it.
Had it not been for the opportunity and had I not taken the initiative I would most definitely be in a huge depression at this point.